Character

Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude, and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.
- Jacqueline Bisset

Still I Rise

**Sorry guys and gals. It took me a while to update and finish this entry. Been a little busy basking in happiness**

I believe in divine timing and that we really do receive what we ask for.  Although I've been able to move on from what Voltaire and Cynthia did to me, I was still harboring some anger because I never got to confront Cynthia and hold her accountable for her part in the demise of my relationship with Douchebag.  I was getting frustrated because I felt that it was really starting to affect my wonderful relationship with Paul.  I guess you could say Fate intervened, and presented me with an opportunity to make everything peaceful in my life.

This past Saturday, I decided to swing by Arkipelago to pick up an Ambeth Ocampo book.  On the way to the city, I thought about how much I wish I could just run into Cynthia so that I can get all my anger out. Talk about divine timing.  Cynthia was there volunteering with Mabuhay Health Center--a bunch of ignorant, arrogant, elitist, and problematic wanna be doctors and future health professionals who have offended many of our community organizations with their attitudes and approach; not to mention they're just using our community for self-promotion and self-gratification because they think they're saving our community.  She thought she could come into my community and be completely under the radar. Little did she know, that all my folks in the community were aware of who she was and what her role was in my break-up with Douchebag. Yes, they were completely aware she was the whore that chased after my ex-fiancee and helped him cheat on me.  It's pretty clear that she has no values or morals, a direct reflection of how she was raised.  She has no social competence whatsoever.

Anyhoo, she couldn't look at me the entire time. I was respectful and waited until all their patients were gone, and until their post clinic meeting was done.  She tried to walk right past me. I could've hit her, but I didn't. It took so much self-control not to do that, but I'm proud of myself.  Seriously though, this girl has a face, a voice, and a lisp that only HER parents could love.  She really sounds like she was breastfed on helium. The best part is that Tita Maggie and Tita Tina were also there to provide me with support.  They were also able to let the anger out.  They let her know that she hurt an entire community of people.  I don't really care if any of what we said to her affected her or even got through to her tiny brain.  Mission accomplished. We dealt with an issue that had hurt and angered so many people.  I had dealt with the douchebag Voltaire, so dealing with her was a way not only for me to finish healing, but for our community to start healing. 

Here's the thing. Voltaire and Cynthia are still together, and I could really care less because she got a coward, a liar, and a cheater.  Douchebag is your problem now, honey.  I got Paul and a wonderful, loving relationship.  It must suck to be Voltaire and Cynthia. You can only pretend to live your lives as if you didn't hurt so many people or do anything wrong, for so long.  The truth always comes out, especially when it comes to people like you. Do you celebrate your anniversaries on the first day that you cheated on me, or the day that I kicked Voltaire's sorry ass to the curb? It's a small world. There will always be someone around you to remind you of what you've done.

As for you, Cynthia, to say that you made a "mistake," that would actually mean that you know the difference between right and wrong. If you do believe in God (which I'm pretty sure you do because hypocrites like you and Douchebag go to church to make amends for your stupidity) you should know that he gave us all free will.  Free will allows us to make decisions that affect our lives, while taking into consideration how it will affect those of others. There are both good and bad consequences for those decisions. What you did was intentional, because you knew that helping Voltaire cheat on me was wrong, yet you did it anyways because you're selfish and insecure. Don't be too proud of your boyfriend, Cynthia.  He's a good liar, so don't be surprised if he cheats on you. He's so dysfunctional, that it's just a matter of time. You should know first hand how good of a liar he is because you witnessed it first hand.  You helped him. Good luck with that. You're only kidding yourself if you think he can't do better than you.  Have you seen what you look like? Or better yet, have you ever listened to yourself talk? Neither is pretty. It must suck to have a name you can't even pronounce. You and D-bag should do the world and the entire human race a favor and DO NOT EVER have children.  There are enough bad people on this earth.

With that being said, I hope you truly are ready for whatever KARMA comes your way.  FATE already dealt her cards.  KARMA is on her way, and she is pissed. Be careful what you ask for. Your consequences are on their way.

Everything is right in the universe once again. Toodles.

Random Ramblings

:::Today is Veteran's Day. Respect, love, and gratitude to our Beteranos. I still believe in FULL EQUITY for our manongs and manangs. The $15k that the government is trying to give them does not make-up for the injustices and indignity that they've suffered all these years. Nothing but FULL EQUITY for Filipino WWII Veterans!

:::I love this time of year! The leaves are turning red and orange, and I looooove the cold weather. Good thing I have a big, strong, and devastatingly handsome man to cuddle up with. If only we had a couch...hehe.

If not, we could always hit the mitts to keep warm. I'm so glad that I have a manly man. Someone who is a real fighter. Haha. I'm just saying, the fact that Paul is a fighter is so attractive to me. I can appreciate that quality about Paul, because my ex couldn't throw a punch even if his life depended on it. He was better at running away. Obviously. What a wuss. Hehe.

One of the many reasons I love Paul.

:::I'll be spending Christmas with Paul this year. We're driving down to SoCal with Notorious D.O.G. in tow. I like visiting SoCal with Paul, just because his family and friends have been nothing but wonderful towards me.

Such a huge difference from Voltaire's dysfunctional and miserable family. I REALLY dodged a bullet there, thanks to Cynthia "Chin" Antonio's whore-ish behavior and lack of morals. The only thing Voltaire's family ever gave me was a three inch gash across my cheek when his sister and mom physically assaulted me. Divine intervention works in mysterious ways, and I'm glad that however hurtful the turn of events were, that they happened the way they did. It made me stronger and made my skin a little bit thicker. More importantly, it got rid of all the negative and toxic people in my life.

:::My family used to get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas every year, but ever since my Mama Osang passed away two years ago, it just hasn't been the same. The holidays always remind me of her. I miss going to my Auntie Susan's house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I miss pulling up to the house, and being greeted by that familiar light in the kitchen. It was always the most noticeable feature of the house. It would greet you as you pulled up to the driveway on that cozy culdesac on Ceres Circle, as if to say, "It's been a while since you've been home. Welcome back."

As we walked through the front door, we were almost always greeted by my Mom or Tita Baby, and you could hear Auntie Susan bustling around in the kitchen. I'm one of those people who's really sensitive to smells (and I'm also vegetarian), so although I didn't quite enjoy the smell of turkey and how it stuck to my clothing, it was still one of the smells I associated with home.

I miss walking down the hallway to my Mama Osang's room, where she would have CNN blasting on her T.V. I miss making mano (a Filipino custom of showing respect to your elders by taking their right hand, and touching the top part of it to your forehead)and smelling the scent of Ivory soap on her hand. I really miss my lola.

My last Thanksgiving with my Mama Osang (she's the one wearing pink), pictured here with my Inay Toneng.

:::I am doing well so far, mid-semester. I just need to survive until finals. This is why I'm a Starbucks Gold Card Member.

Aye, Aye Captain! Full Speed Ahead!

That's pretty much how I feel my life is going right now. Seriously, where did the year go?

As another year comes to an end, I have to say that it's been nothing but good times for me this year. I've learned a lot about myself, mostly thanks to all the wonderful folks in my life, especially Paul. It's interesting to see myself from another person's perspective, especially Paul's. It's amazing what honesty can do for a relationship. If anything, I've learned how to deal with my strong personality because of HIS strong personality.

I'm thankful to have a job that I love and with three little girls who love me. I still can't believe how much Ava has grown! She is my little sidekick and Starbucks buddy. You should see this girl order at Starbucks. I've trained her well.

My relationship with Paul is progressing well. I love that I get to spend time with him almost every weekend, and that we truly enjoy each other's company. I like the foundation we're creating for our relationship. It's based on love, mutual respect, compromise, honesty, and integrity. Oh, we can't forget the most important components of our foundation: unbelievable athletic ability and we're gosh darn funnier than H-E-double hockey sticks. Seriously, no lack of self-esteem or confidence in this relationship.

We did Warrior Dash with my crazy delicious friends from boxing, as well as Art and his brother Allidrus last weekend. We decided that Paul is now in charge of our departure time for anything, and making sure I don't find ways to distract myself. I made sure to eat the breakfast of champions by having some cookies and a slice of pizza. What can I say? My imaginary hyperthyroid worm wants what it wants.

We went for a hike in Pacifica the day after Warrior Dash. As if a few bruises and sore muscles were going to stop us from enjoying a nice, warm sunny day in the Bay. Made me wish I had Notorious D.O.G. with us to enjoy the beach with the other doggies.

I'm looking forward to the upcoming year. I will be applying to an M.A. program for next Fall. I'm excited. It's been a long time coming, but as my Mom says, everything happens on its own time.

I need to get more serious about my training again though. I will have some 5ks and 10ks coming up, but I've been lagging on my running. I'm also going to start playing indoor soccer, so this should be an interesting transition from outdoor soccer.

So nothing but good things to come, and I wish the very same for all my family, friends, and animals. Hah.

Purgation of My Closet

So I finally did it. It's been a long time coming, but I've put off doing anything about it for a very long time. It just seemed like such a daunting task. If anything, I should've done it right after my "Debut at 32" last year. I think that because of the fact that Douchebag Howser M.D. left so many of his clothes behind (that I was gracious enough to return to him under the circumstances), I guess I was trying to avoid finding anymore of his crap. So after four loads of laundry, cleaning the bathroom, a trip to Starbucks and Safeway, and taking Notorious D.O.G. for a walk, I finally did it.

I can thank the less than pleasant weather for keeping me at home for most of today and in the mood to do some cleaning. I moved the wardrobe into the office and put another set of drawers in its place. I feel really selfish for always complaining that I never have anything to wear, considering that I have more than enough clothes to last me another decade.

I rediscovered my love for my pretty dresses. Yes, I realize that I dress like a tomboy most of the time in my hoodies and sweatpants, but oh do I love my dresses! I also found out that I have 45 pairs of soccer shorts. The good news is that I didn't find anymore of D-Bag's things, with the exception of some of his mismatched socks. I guess you could say his socks are symbolic of his hot ass mess of a life. That monster and all his crap are finally all out.

I will be getting a new bed this year. Moms got me new pillows. So many more changes to come. The purgation of his memory from any of my possessions is coming to a close. I feel even more liberated. Dont' get me wrong. I've moved on from that phase in my life and I have recovered well.

It has been a long process indeed. I am fortunate to have a REAL and a wonderful man like Paul. You can recover, and possibly even forgive, but I think that the feeling of betrayal will always stay with me. I'm just lucky enough that Paul is patient and understanding enough to help me heal those wounds, by giving me so much love.

I know, not much of an exciting post, really, but I just thought I would share. I will borrow this quote that my friend Silda posted on her Facebook today. I think it's a perfect way to summarize my experience today:

‎"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come." - Joseph Campbell

Lazy Sunday

Congratulations to Patricio and Melanie! May you be blessed with a lifetime of happiness together and lots of little LUMPIA lovers! Your reception was so much fun, especially all the MJ songs and '90s hip hop. Of course, we can't forget John's awesome dance skills. The "Beat It" knife fight scene was my favorite.

Paul and I had a great day just hanging out in the city. We had a rough start with BART because I didn't remember how to use the ticket machine. It's been ten years since I last used BART, so you can't really fault me for that. Haha. It was just as much a learning experience for me as it was for Paul. We'd also like to thank the grumpy lady inside the booth for her condescending customer service.

We didn't really do much. We didn't really have any plans for the day. We were starving by the time we got to the Civic Center Station. The closest thing I could think of to eat was Chico's(my apologies to my homie Glen Andag for eating Chico's without you. We were starving!) We took our slices on over to Yerba Buena Gardens, and kicked it on the benches right above the waterfall.

It was a beautiful day in the city, and we sat for a bit after we ate, just people watching. A little bird even kicked it with us for a little while, and I felt bad that I didn't have any crumbs left to feed it. I felt even worse when I saw that it had a broken leg. It eventually got bored with us, and flew away. We watched an older Chinese woman do her Tai Chi. I hope that I'll be as dedicated to working out when I get to her age. It was nice just to be back in SoMa, not having anything to do, and just spending time with Paul. I feel like we've been rushing everywhere for the past few weeks, so we certainly welcomed the slower and lazier pace we had today. It was nice to enjoy each other's company for a change. No moving, no rushing to get somewhere.

We sat a few benches away from a Filipino family, a mom with her two young kids, a little boy and girl. The kids were cute. They were enjoying the sunshine with us and taking pictures. Hearing the kids speak in Tagalog was like music to my ears, and just reminded me of how much I miss being in SoMa. I saw that they were having a hard time taking a family picture, so I offered to take their picture for them. It made my day when the little girl, who was maybe around three, yelled "Salamat!" and gave me a big smile.

I'm looking forward to spending more lazy Sundays with Paul. It's not about what we do or how much money we spend (because honestly, we're both kinda broke right now). It's just nice to know that we don't have to rely on those kinds of things just to enjoy our time together.

I LOVE YOU PAUL POOMPAN.

Feeling: overwhelmed, busy, and under-appreciated.

Where the Sidewalk Ends

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends

Shel Silverstein is by far one of my favorite authors of all time. It's obvious by the amount of space he occupies on my book shelf dedicated to children's literature.

This poem has a particularly interesting interpretation of life. It talks about a life filled with optimism and hope, but in order to get to that point, one must overcome personal challenges and fears. It's almost as if chaos is necessary for change to occur and to help us realize that we do have a choice in which path to take in life, in order to reach a point of serenity and happiness within our lives, and more importantly, ourselves. That is the place where the sidewalk ends.

I want to take this opportunity to dedicate this poem to Paul. Babe, I know that it's been a difficult and challenging transition for you. You've certainly had your share of difficulties and frustrating circumstances these past few weeks. I'm excited to help you get settled in and for all the adventures we have in store for us.

The Bay is Getting an Extra Serving of Swagger

Hooray and congratulations to Paul for getting an Adaptive P.E. teaching gig in Pacifica! To say that I'm ecstatic is somewhat downplaying how I really feel (I feel like I have a bazillion jumping beans inside my tummy). It will be a busy few weeks helping him move and settled, but so worth it. I'm totally going through a nesting phase for him. Haha.

It is a huge sacrfice on his part, but I am greatly appreciative and humbled by the fact that he loves me so much he's leaving his sunny SoCal for me. He also made my birthday this year the best ever. He brought me back my favorite shortbread cookies from Hawaii, and he gave me a letter. Not just any letter, but probably the most wonderful letter I've ever received from a significant other. Actually, the only personal letter I've ever received from a significant other.

It was a love letter of sorts. What made this letter outstanding was the thought he invested in it. It was sincere and honest. Most importantly, it made me feel so loved. I don't think he knows just how much that letter means to me. I've kept it hidden safely away now, but I think I must've looked at it at least five times a day since he gave it to me.

I am eager to see what's in store for Paul and I. We are entering a new phase in our relationship and lives.

Oh, and congratulations San Francisco. You officially became the coolest place on earth thanks to Paul Poompan.

All Day I Dream About Soccer...

...at least that's what Adidas used to mean to me. I headed out to Davis today to get my number printed on my soccer jersey. Props to the guy at Davis Soccer and Lifestyle for getting the job done in about 15 minutes. Hopefully having the Deuce back on my jersey will bring back my mojo on the field. I'm just superstitious like that. Sorry, but my other jersey number just wasn't working out.

I was also eyeing a new pair of the Copa Mundial, the one and only soccer shoe that I have ever worn. I'm long overdue for a new pair, considering the ones that I'm currently using have been with me since I was 15. Yes, that's right. Adidas used to make extremely durable shoes. Don't trip. They're still comfy and look good, and are far from holey. However, I was informed by the guy at the shop that Adidas will soon be phasing out my beloved Copas, with some butt-ugly hot mess of a shoe. He was trying to sell the newer shoe to me by dissing the Copas, but I told him that the new shoe is really fugly.

The retail gods strike again. WHY??? Why must you mess with something so classic that have been around for 28 years? So much of my identity as a soccer player is tied to the Copa Mundial. I always say that you can tell a lot about a soccer player by the shoes and equipment that they wear. As a soccer player, I can pretty much determine your skill level, based on the boots that you wear on the field. You're pretty much whack if you don't wear Copas. You have to earn your stripes to wear this shoe. As much as I love Nike, I do blame them for introducing some loud and ugly soccer shoes, and forever changing the soccer shoe market. Geez Nike. Way to set the standard for ugly shoes. I'm still mad at you for discontinuing my favorite running shoes.

There's a certain comraderie between those of us who wear the Copas. It used to be that only the soccer players that have played or trained at a higher competitive level wore these shoes. Copas give us distinction. It embodies the concept of "game recognize game" when you see someone else wearing the Copas out on the field. You must have skill and swagger to wear the Copas.

Copas are timeless and classic, unique in that sense. Copas represent my love for the game. I think by now it's apparent and obvious that I am very particular about the equipment that I use. My next purchase will be a new pair of the Copa Mundial. I need to stock up before other people my size catch wind of the armageddon of soccer fails.

The Heart of the Matter

I suppose that when one is in love, we develop our own concept of time. It has been about two and a half weeks since I've last seen Paul, but it seems like it's been twice as long. What can I say? I miss him. I miss him A LOT.

We both agreed that we would only do the long distance aspect of our relationship for about a year, because we want our relationship to progress. The only way to do that is if one of us moves to be closer to the other.

It's exciting to think of the prospect of moving to a different place, but I also feel torn about it because of everyone and everything that I'll be leaving behind. I am, no doubt, willing to move for Paul because I love him. It's one of the risks I'm willing to take. Change is good, but it's scary at the same time.

I'm not going to lie, I was traumatized by what Voltaire did to me. I recovered from it, and I certainly got over him and what he did. What stemmed from that experience is that I was able to find myself again, with the love and support of so many people and positive experiences. For example, my community in SoMa welcomed me back with so much love and respect. There was no tsismis about me or what happened, just a lot of love. Another example, I don't think that my soccer team knows just how important they were in my recovery process. I made new friends, and I rediscovered just how much I loved playing soccer. It got me out of my funk. Ya dig?

I guess you can say that I'm scared to move, because I don't want to lose my support system, more importantly, lose myself. But when I think of my life without Paul, my heart breaks a little, and I get this gut wrenching feeling. Life is so much better with Paul Poompan in it. Heehee.

I'm anxiously awaiting where Paul will get a job. That will determine the next step in our relationship. I'm still trying to get up the nerve to move, but I'm sure I won't even think twice about it, when the time comes.

I LOVE YOU PAUL POOMPAN.

Pure Bliss

I can't find a better way to describe my life right now. It took a lot of hard work and personal reflection for me to get to this point.

Last year was the major turning point for me. The moment I called off my wedding, my life began. I certainly wasn't aware of it at the moment, but I can say it now in hindsight. The illusion that I thought was my life fell apart in a matter of minutes. What I didn't realize at the time was that it was necessary for me to go through that pain, in order to begin my personal journey of getting to know myself. Cliche, but true nonetheless. Nothing like the triad of Fate, Destiny, and Karma to slap me in the face to jump start the process of divine intervention.

I took some time away from a lot of people, places, and routines that were familiar to me. I was in search of true happiness, but had no clue or idea where to even start. I learned to just kinda go with the flow of life, while still being proactive of course. I was okay with uncertainty, and not having my entire life mapped out. I ended up reconnecting with a lot of people who also helped me through the process. I guess that's why running is so therapeutic for me. I always set a certain distance goal, but usually end up just running more than I initially intended.

Don't get me wrong, I made a few more mistakes, but they're all lessons learned. I will continue to make mistakes because I am only human. I discovered that I didn't have to look far for true happiness after all. I was surrounded by it the entire time, embodied by my family, my real friends, and my community. They accepted me for my real self all these years, never trying to conform me to any false or pretentious standards or ideals, and never judging me for my mistakes or shortcomings. I failed to see any of this because my life was focused on someone else for eight years.

When I opened myself up to the love and support they showed me, I re-discovered everything that I loved about myself. That is when I truly became happy. I became comfortable with myself again. I set new goals for myself, and there are endless possibilities out there for me.

Paul is also instrumental in my state of pure bliss. I know that he loves me, and that's enough for me right now. I appreciate the fact that he's candid and a realist. He doesn't make empty promises, and only commits to what he's certain he can follow through with. We still have a lot to learn about each other, and the physical distance is somewhat of a roadblock. One of us will have to move in order to make this relationship work, and in order to take it to the next phase. I surprised even myself when I told him that I am willing to relocate for him. I have never considered or done that for anyone. Yeah, I love him that much.

So, as I approach my 33rd birthday, I'm okay and comfortable with whatever surprises life has for me. I'm confident in myself that I can overcome any challenges or adversities that may come my way. I know that I am strong. But most of all, I know that I am truly happy and loved.

Fat Kid Fridays No More

Holy shizznot! How many friggin' kids birthdays are we having at work this summer?? Damn. Love the kids, hate the crap that the parents bring in. I really don't have will power when it comes to cake. There's at least three birthdays every week. Next time you see me reach for that cupcake, pimp slap it out of my hand and tell me to go run six miles!

Happy Almost One Year Anniversary to Me!

Hello, my name is Thea and I'm a recovering douchebagaholic. I've been douchebag free for a year now, and I can honestly say that I am the happiest I've ever been. I was a douchebagaholic for eight years, and almost made the biggest mistake of my life last year when I almost married Dr. Douchebag Howser, M.D. (M.D. for Moronic Dipshit).

I would like to commemorate my "Debut at 32" or how some of my friends like to call it, my "Un-Wedding" by celebrating everything that I've accomplished during this past year.

I am thankful for all the unconditional love and support from my wonderful family and great friends. I couldn't have made it this far without all of you giving me a kick swift in the ars when I needed it the most. Thank you for feeding my healthy dependency on Starbucks and cake. I'm not going to name folks (thanks Lars and Ambo), but you know who you are. I am also extremely grateful for Paul, who has taught me so much about real love and what it's like to be loved by a real man. I appreciate Paul's candidness and his ability to keep it real with me. I love the fact that he doesn't sugar coat anything for me.

I am thankful to all my professors for their sense of humor and for guiding me through the process of completing my second bachelors degree. You all know me so well and I'm glad that you can all appreciate my exceptional work ethic, sarcasm, and wit. At least, that's what you all told me. I'm almost done.

I am most thankful to myself, for being able to overcome such a difficult situation, and use it to bring the best out of me. I want to thank myself for having the courage to move on, and be able to channel all my energy into positive outcomes. I've had such a wonderful time getting to know myself again.

As I celebrate my one year of sobriety from douchebagolism, I hope that folks out there continue to join me on my journey. It can only get better from here.

Maraming salamat sa inyong lahat. Peace. Love. Blessings.

--Thea

The Sweetest Love

The Sweetest Love --Robin Thicke

Why do people smile when no one’s smiling?
It's cuz their thinking of someone they’re loving
Keep on believing we are meant to be and
Nothing’s stopping you and me from going to heaven
Sweetest love

I got the sweetest love there ain’t nothing sweeter
I got the sweetest love ain’t nothing beat it
There ain’t nothing sweeter

Now I'm a climber, this mountains just my ladder
It gets better every second we’re together
Oooh baby it feels so right
A new beginning starts tonight
The reason for wedding songs
Is because of you and me and
Sweetest love

Finally I can’t believe
Coz you and me, you’re my sweetest love

I got the sweetest love there ain’t nothing sweeter
I got the sweetest love ain’t nothing beat it
There ain’t nothing sweeter

Come on now, I got the sweetest love there ain’t nothing sweeter
I got the sweetest love can’t nothing beat it
There ain’t nothing sweeter oh yeah

Now I got that feeling in my gut
Now I need your fire in my life
Now I wanna give you love so much
And I keep on feeling my sweet, my sweet
Sweetest love

I can’t believe that you and me, we gotta be
You’re my sweetest love

I got the sweetest love there ain’t nothing sweeter
I got the sweetest love can’t nothing beat it
There ain’t nothing sweeter

Come on now, I got the sweeter love there ain’t nothing sweeter
I got the sweetest love can’t nothing beat it
There ain’t nothing sweeter ooohh

I got the sweetest love there ain’t nothing sweeter
I got the sweetest love can’t nothing beat it
There ain’t nothing sweeter ooohh

I got the sweetest love ain’t nothing be sweeter
I got the sweetest love can’t nothing beat it
There ain’t nothing sweeter

Sweetest love
I can’t believe, you and me, we gotta be
Oh my sweetest love

Keeping My Promises

Almost a year ago, I made some promises to myself. I think I've done an exceptional job of keeping those promises, and in some cases, exceeding my own expectations.

However, I am only human after all, and it's easy to get side-tracked by everything that life throws at me. So as a reminder to myself, I am renewing my promises to myself.

I promise to love myself unconditionally and not base my happiness on the other people in my life.

I promise to remove and distance myself from people and places that make me feel disempowered. I worked too damn hard to let anyone take my power from me.

I will continue to appreciate and celebrate everything that is unique about me. Yes, I am special, and those close to me know just how special...

I will remind myself that I am a Phenomenal Womyn, and continue to draw my strength, courage, and wisdom from the womyn in my family, my circle of friends, and my community.

I will continue to be thankful for my wonderful family, friends, and community.

I will nurture myself and keep myself healthy. RunTheaRun.

I will never prioritize the happiness and needs of others before my own.

I will continue my pursuit of real and unconditional love.

I know that this might seem a little selfish, but I don't think there's anything wrong with taking care of myself in the ways that I see fit. I'm always down for folks, but I just need to make sure I keep myself in check. I have to keep myself on my toes so that I don't take myself for granted, where I'm taking care of everyone else but me. I worked too damn hard to lose sight of my individuality once more. I need to put myself on a BIG time out every now and then to make sure that everything is healthy and balanced in my life.

I am the "PRO" in Procrastination

I swear I don't do it on purpose. Maybe it's the stress that I thrive on. Or maybe I'm just really over doing school work right now. In any case, I've found a way to distract myself from studying for finals by posting new pics of Paul and I.

He never updates his blog, so the only way you can catch a glimpse of what's going on in the world of Paul and Thea is when I post pics. Here are some recent pics from my trip to SoCal. We went to the USC Spring Game and I got to see Paul gush over the USC football players, as well as Stanley Havili's biceps. Haha.

I had fun at the game, even though I don't really follow USC football. I'm just a bandwagon fan. I'm not even trying to front. I know about being a football widow and all, but damn, some of the fellas are hella messed up for leaving their kids out in the cold to get some autographs. Haha. One guy told his kids to stay by the 40 yard line and "play", after assuring them that he would find them later.

I am also very proud of Paul because he was inducted into the Phi Kappa Phi Honors Society. He'll be graduating with a 3.8 from his credential program. Hooray! There's some pics above from the induction ceremony.

See you all after finals! Toodles!

'Cuz I'm Sick Wit' It: Graves' Disease

I hate the fact that I have the form of hyperthyroidism called Graves' Disease. Not very many folks know I have it, but I thought I would share in case some of you are experiencing symptoms and don't know you have it...and in case you're wondering why my throat seems enlarged and are just too polite to ask why.

Graves' Disease is an autoimmune disease that has a genetic predisposition. So ask your folks if anyone on either side of the family has it. Let's break it down this way to explain it: in a normal body, the immune system defends itself against germs and viruses. An autoimmune disease means the body’s immune system acts against its own healthy cells and tissues. In my case, having Graves'(also known as a toxic diffuse goiter) means that my thyroid gland makes more thyroid hormone than the body needs, making my throat enlarged.

As a rule, people with Graves’ are the type that are intense, fast-paced, and accustomed to doing many things at once, and at full speed ahead. I know, it doesn't seem much different from my own personality traits, but Graves' disease enhances it (in a bad way). It is difficult for me to find a balance. Although I'm used to being busy, Graves' can cause a person to suffer from nervousness, irritability, and erratic behavior. It doesn't take much to stress me out nowadays, and in my effort to control the stress, I sometimes suffer from anxiety or nervousness.

I have to fight fatigue on a daily basis, have trouble sleeping, and have an increased appetite (but thank goodness I'm not gaining any weight). I also usually suffer from increased body temperature. Fun, huh? Most folks usually joke that this is normal for me anyways, but on a serious note, it's really quite a burden not only on me, but my loved ones, friends, and family as well. Although I am currently taking medication for it, I still experience a majority of the symptoms. It makes it difficult to maintain a balanced lifestyle, especially when hyperthyroidism can cause extreme highs and lows, both physically and emotionally.

Most of my uncles and cousins have been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. It's debilitating. The heart palpitations, the trembling hands, and fatigue. I am constantly hungry and thirsty. My skin is breaking out, and it also affects my attention span. It's frustrating for me because I'm such an active person.

In any case, it's also a burden financially. I am thankful that I have my Mom and brother who helped me pay for my medical expenses. I don't qualify for medical insurance because I have a pre-existing condition, because I was diagnosed with Graves' prior to applying for medical insurance, which is why I needed it in the first place.

My only option right now is the County Medically Indigent Services Program (CMISP), which is part of the public health care system in Sacramento County. The application process takes an entire day, which requires you to come back on another day to once you submit all your paperwork, and meet with a case manager who will then decide whether or not you qualify for it. Making an appointment at the county clinic takes forever, I spent an entire 3 hours calling the county clinic just to make an appointment.

It took me another three weeks to see a physician, who referred me to an endocrinologist. I was informed that a case manager would call me to inform me of when my appointment with the endocrinologist would be, but after a month of waiting, I finally called the county clinic to follow up. I was informed that my referral was never filed, and I had to call two other case workers to find out what happened. So they finally found my referral and told me that they had no available appointments until June and that someone would call me. I finally got my appointment confirmation this week, but I still have two months to go before I can see an endocrinologist to get a dosage of radioactive iodine to obliterate my thyroid gland.

Yes, I know. It's a long entry. Thanks for reading. The End.

The Replacements

Every now and then, the Retail Gods decide to play a cruel joke on me by cancelling a favorite lipstick color, or changing the packaging of something I love into a form of fugliness for the masses.

Most of my friends often wonder why I always purchase two pairs of running shoes. It's difficult for me to find a pair of running shoes that I like, so when I find THE pair, I buy two pairs because I know that someday, they will be discontinued.

Finding the perfect pair of running shoes requires a lot of patience, as well as trial and error. I've been fortunate with my current pair of NIKEs, because our running relationship has been wonderful. It's getting to that point where I've put in a lot of miles on my back-up pair, so I need to purchase some new running kicks.

Well, the NIKE Running Gods decided that it would be best to cancel my NIKE Air Zoom+. WHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????? I don't need your new technology. I just want the comfort of my favorite running shoes.

So now, I am totally dreading the fact that I will have to go to Niketown and run around the store like a fool, just to find a new pair of running shoes to start a relationship with. I have to find my replacements.

I'm a Poomfan

It goes without saying that I am a lucky girl. I have a wonderful man in my life who adores me and loves me. I know it's not the first time that I've blogged about Paul and how fortunate I am to have him in my life, but sometimes I have a hard time believing that I am finally with the man of my dreams. He is everything that I could ever ask for, and so much more.

We didn't do much last weekend when he came to visit me, but sometimes that's the best way to spend quality time with someone you love. It was nice to just relax and kick it. It was really nice to be able to go home to him after a long day at work. I can't explain it. We just fit. We work. We make sense.

There is no doubt in my mind that my relationship with Paul will only get stronger and better in time. I still get scared that it's the real thing. I guess it's only normal to feel that way, given my past experience with Douche bag.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you, Paul. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us.

Eeeeeeeee!

Hah. In case you haven't guessed, I'm really excited because Paul is coming to visit for a few days. Friday can't come soon enough. I miss my man like crazy. Even that is an understatement. I'm looking forward to spending some quality time with him. It seems like it's been forever since we last saw each other. Yes, I am gushing. Handle yourselves.

HeeHee.

Me: "Mom! Check out my bicep!"

Mom: "Wow! That's just from you working out?"

Me: "Nah. I was born this way, remember?"

Mom: "Really, anak? You get it from your Momma."

PWNAGE courtesy of my Mom.

Love/Hate Relationship with Spring

Oh my! It's Spring time suckas!

Love:
-The warm weather

-Sunshine

-The extra play time with Notorious D.O.G. in the afternoon

-Running outside instead of the treadmill (we remain frenemies).

Hate:
-The allergies. You name it, I am probably allergic to it. There's a reason why I broke out in hives at soccer camp when I was 15. Stupid plant sperm!

-People wearing inappropriate clothing or lack of clothing to work out. Seriously though, spandex is a privilege, NOT a right, people. I give ya props on the self confidence aspect, but REALLY? Even I don't wear spandex.

-Fellas, if you're going to go shirtless or just wear a tank top, PLEASE for all that is good and not hairy, SHAVE or WAX your back and chest. Nobody wants to work out on that machine after you. Yeah, I'm talking to all of you Gorilla looking Guidos in the weight room who don't wipe the machines down. Heebie-jeebies. Heebie-jeebies.

-Seeing grown men wear Crocs. There's just something awkward about seeing a grown man wear Crocs. They're great for little kids to wear because you can hose them down pretty easily if they get dirty or pee on themselves. But a grown man wearing bright orange Crocs? Yes, I saw that dude at Starbucks again. Must be part of his Spring/Summer wardrobe.

Are You In?

So I need to get my running game going. Geez. I was in an extreme hibernation period this past winter.

According to my Nike+, between September 2009 and March 2010, I have officially ran 208.21 miles. Hooray!

The weather is warm! The sun is out! C'mon people! Let's run to preserve our sexy! Haha. Are you in? Find me on Nike+.

I Miss Him.

I miss Paul. I miss him a lot. I can't wait until summer when we'll have more time to spend together.

Happy Dance

I got a new job yesterday. My Mom actually did the Happy Dance with me to celebrate my new job. Heh.

I will be working at a Montessori school, five minutes away from my house. I get to teach preschool again. Lovely! The best part? It's right behind Tapioca Express. Oh, the medical benefits I get won't be so bad either.

I am sad to leave my high school students behind. I understand that consistency is important to them, especially since they face so many other challenges in their daily lives. I will finish my projects that I started with them because I don't want to leave them hanging. However, I still don't know how to tell them. I've told two of them, but the next two weeks will be difficult.

I am so extremely grateful for the blessings that continue to come my way.

The Human Chain

I LOVE NIKE. Everyone and their mom knows how much I love this brand.

Nike always takes their advertising to the next level. Their commercials are like mini-movies that really capture the essence of the human body.

Their latest commercial, "The Human Chain," had an interesting quote:

"...movement is the universal language that connects us all. The road to athletic greatness is not marked by perfection, but the ability to constantly overcome adversity and failure."

Cultural Definitions

Tampo refers to a range of Filipino cultural behavior in which one may withdraw affection or cheerfulness from a person who has hurt one's feelings, and its expression is almost entirely nonverbal.

Amuin is the basic expectation of one who engages in tampo is that the offending party will woo or cajole him or her out of the feeling of being unhappy.

Lambing is the gesture of wooing and cajoling done in a loving and tender way.

I understand that disagreements happen in relationships, especially ones that are long distance. I don't consider myself to be overly sensitive, but I'm the type of person, that if someone does hurt my feelings, it shows. I like to talk things out and address issues right away, but when I get the brush off from the other person, I have a tendency to just distance myself and retreat into the comforts of my own space, where I feel safe.

I learned a lot from what happened to me last year. Most people think that I should be traumatized and scarred by what Douchebag did, but I channeled my energy constructively, and yielded positive results.

However, I am more cautious and guarded when it comes to all my relationships, whether they are my friendships or my relationship with Paul. I am not by any means comparing my relationship with Paul to my previous relationship, because there is nothing to compare.

I am only human though, and only time will take away any feelings of uncertainty or anxiety that are remnants of what I endured with Douchebag. It's not something that I'm doing purposely or consciously, it is what it is. It was part of that karmic cleansing and learning experience I went through last year.

Distance and Time

I spent last weekend with Paul in SoCal. It was a welcome break from the cold weather, but unfortunately, I had a relapse of a cold that seems to have turned into something worse.

I had fun at Evan's first birthday party. It was nice to see all of Paul's friends, and I had fun playing with all the kids. My basketball skills (or lack thereof) were put to the test. Haha. I played a few rounds of Around the World with Paul, and played against Jay and Mark. I can still shoot and dribble, but it was clear why soccer became my main sport after 8th grade. Haha.

There just never seems to be enough time, especially when it's time spent with someone you love. It becomes more and more difficult to leave every time I visit. I have to say that Paul makes me like SoCal more and more when I visit him. I know. I can't believe I said I'm starting to like SoCal more. All my friends know that I was left with a very bad impression of SoCal, because I was only exposed to the pretentious and douchebag version of it.

Living so far away from Paul is difficult, but I take comfort in the fact that what we have is real. As I previously stated, it's difficult to explain it to other people. I've never felt this way for anyone, and it is a feeling and a familiarity that transcends lifetimes, distance, and time.

I don't think I could really ever put into words just how much I love Paul, but I do love him more each day, and I feel blessed to have him in my life.

Blech

That pretty much sums up how I feel right now. I hate being sick. I hate missing out on work. I hate missing class.

My throat hurts like hell, my body aches, and I have a fever.

I guess this is my body's way of telling me that I'm overworked and not getting enough rest. Unfortunately, I have to stay at home and rest today, so that I don't miss out on work and class for the rest of the week. More importantly, I need to rest so that I don't miss out on seeing Paul this weekend. I miss him. A LOT.

A Conversation with Myself

I posted this on Facebook, but I thought I would share nonetheless.

My Body often disagrees with what my Ego and Vanity want to do. There's always a conflict of interest, but my Body knows that they're just doing what's best for her...most of the time. So this is what the conflict was about today, and how it was resolved. This is a conversation I had with myself, within myself. And no, I don't suffer from multiple personalities.

My Body: "Dude, you should take the day off and just be lazy. We're exhausted and tired. We need to rest. We need to sleep."

Ego and Vanity: "Whatever fatty! Get up and run. You've taken a long enough break. Should we remind you that your mile time really sucks right now? How do you go from a 7 minute mile to an 8:20? Get up and run! Sleeping is for suckas!"

So what was the end result? Ego and Vanity won over my aching Body. The bottom line is that I needed to quit my belly-aching, and just run. It gave me peace of mind and worked out some of the knots I had in my neck area. I ran a little over 2 miles today in order to be able to eat all the yummy food my family cooked for today.

Let the eating commence. Where are my eating pants??

A Retraction Letter to My Fairy Godmother

Dear Fairy Godmother,

Hi. Yeah, it's me again. I wrote you a letter way back in August 2009. I know I was really O.A., but can ya blame a girl for being frustrated and feeling jipped? By the way, I got your memo about losing your glasses 24 years ago and how you misread my letter.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to tell you that I really appreciate the package you sent me last Christmas. At least you delivered what you promised, unlike He-Who-Has-a-Beard-So-Snowy-White who forgot to bring me the leaf blower I asked for. But that's another story.

I just wanted to write to you and thank you for finally finding me MY Prince Charming, although he'll argue that he's a king and not a prince. Haha. I definitely appreciate the confidence and swagger.

Perhaps the letter I wrote you back when I was 8 had a typo, and you thought I was asking you for a Prince Charmin, like the toilet paper, because that one certainly was a douchebag and an asswipe. Haaaaaaaaated him! I'm just glad you got it right this time. Major high-five and two snaps up and around the world sistah!

I'm also glad that you upgraded the mode of transportation that MY Prince Charming has to a real manly car. Magic pumpkins that turn into carriages are so 100 years ago, and only douchebags drive rice rockets. Also, thanks for making sure that MY Prince Charming didn't come with an evil mother and wicked sister. Seriously, one Maleficent and Grizelda per lifetime is enough. A girl can only survive so many life-threatening attempts. I'm glad we got all of that cleared up.

You must have found the other page of my letter from when I was 8, where it stated that I wanted a Prince Charming that does martial arts and can dance. I never did outgrow my love for martial arts or my crush on Bruno "Pop'n'Taco" Falcon from Breakin'. Haha. Oh, I also love that he's a real competitor and athlete, not a pretend one who only works out to stay pretty. It's just different when your man is naturally handsome versus someone who is trying to maintain an image of two hair products, a hair dryer, and a Cliff Huxtable sweater vest.

I'm glad that you brought me a real man this time around, and not some impostor. Really though, one has to wonder where you find all those toads? I think you need to discuss that with the other Fairy Godmothers because some of my girls are still frustrated and it takes forever to process our complaints about these issues. It took you eight years to resolve mine alone. Maybe you need to re-vamp your screening process so that those toads don't even get to that point, and where their warts and slimey-ness are obvious from the start. Just a suggestion. Take it up with the FGM union. I'm just saying, I don't think that any womyn should have to settle for anything less than what she deserves.

By the way, any chance we could work something out about getting more sleep and rest though? It doesn't necessarily have to be as long as Sleeping Beauty's rest period, but enough so that I don't wake up looking like a bruha would be nice. Just thought I would ask since you're being so generous and on a roll and all.

Most importantly, I really dig the fact that you finally recognized that I am unique in more ways than one, and you brought me a man who is truly one of a kind.

Thanks a bunch and here's to more Happily Ever Afters. Cheerio!

Love,

Princess SmartyPants

Notorious D.O.G.

I just wanted to let folks know that Notorious D.O.G. learned how to do a high-five and a paw-shake.

It's a big accomplishment for Charlie, considering I haven't had much time to train her as of late. Poor doggie. She's hating winter as much as I am. We both miss the dog park, but it's been raining up here, and I know that the dog park is full of puddles that she would just love to roll in. There's nothing worse than wet dog smell.

She chewed up her blanket again. I'm hopeful that one of these days, she'll stop chewing on everything I buy for her. Until then, I won't be buying her a nice bed to sleep on because she ate that too.

People often ask me why I don't take Notorious D.O.G. to go running with me. She's 60 lbs. and I can barely walk her on a leash. Although she'll probably help me improve my running time, I don't feel like eating asphalt. I'll stick to my Wheaties, thanks.

Runner's High

Getting back into running mode has been a difficult process for me. The gloomy and rainy weather hasn't helped either. I know. I have no excuse not to run. However, I hate running on a treadmill. No, it doesn't have anything to do with the time I ate it on the treadmill because I was checking out my legs and my stride in the mirror. Haha. I just don't enjoy feeling like a hamster on an exercise wheel.

Once I get back into my groove though, it easy peasy. I've sworn off my desserts until I get serious about running again, until I get back to my 7 minute miles. I am too competitive with myself. I guess you could say I am my own worst enemy of sorts when it comes to sports. Haha.

So here's to getting back together with running. I promise that I won't break up with you again. Ha.

Ready...set...run Thea...RUN.

I ran for the first time in weeks today. Mind you, I was sick and was going at a much slower pace than normal in order to prevent myself from fully coughing up a lung in front of passers by.

It was a beautiful day, a good indicator that spring will come early this year. Hooray!

My apologies for the little pity party in my last post. I really was feeling sick, and the fact that I only got to talk to Paul for ten minutes was really frustrating. It is difficult being in a long distance relationship, especially when it's the real thing. I miss him like crazy, and it's a must to see his pogi (handsome) face every day, even if it is only over Skype. Haha. I have a feeling I'm setting him up for quite a bit of teasing from his buddies.

I don't know how else to really describe it. He just makes everything better. He makes me smile, and I do look forward to coming home to talk to him. It brings me a sense of comfort to know that I have a man who loves and appreciates me for who and all that I am, and not just the idea of me.

I'm a lucky girl...and he's an even luckier man. Haha. Ooooh...I think I just POOMPAN-ed Paul. Hehe.

Here I Go Again

It's been a while since I've had one of these nights. I'm sleepless. Again.

It's times like these where I miss my Mama Osang. She knew exactly what was wrong, without me having to utter a word. I was always fortunate that I had her all to myself during those times, even if it was only for a brief moment.

I would just walk into her room, sit at her feet while she was watching t.v. or praying the rosary, and put my head on her lap. She would just stroke my hair or brush my cheek with her hand. I still remember being comforted by the warmth of her hand and the scent of her soap. She would smile down at me and hum me a song.

I never had to tell her what was wrong because she always just knew. She would give me payo or advice, which was directly related to whatever was troubling me. One of the things that she would always say to me was, "If it's meant for you and will make you happy, it will work itself out. Have faith."

The other thing that she always said to me was, "Your Papa and I never went to bed angry at each other. We always settled our quarrels or misunderstandings before going to sleep because we never knew if the other was still going to be there when we woke up." She explained that this is how Papa knew how much she loved him up until the day he died; this is also how she knew he loved her when he died so suddenly. I have to say that this is a rule that I've always tried to be consistent with in any of my relationships with people, especially my significant other. Sometimes, however, it becomes difficult to follow when life throws a few curveballs your way and the situation is out of your hands.

Relationships are difficult. Tampuhan happens. The only remedy for that is amuin, by way of lambing. Change is a constant part of the equation and learning process. Communication is important. So are love and respect. Pride and stubborness can sometimes get in the way.

So here I am, sick with a cold, sick to my stomach, upset, uneasy, exhausted in so many different ways, and unable to rest. Maybe Mama will come to comfort me in my dreams tonight...if I ever get to sleep that is.

Hindi Kita Malimot/I Cannot Forget You.

Today is my Mama Osang's birthday! She would have been 94 years old today. This has to be one of my favorite pictures of her with my Lolo Pepe.

I love looking at their old photographs. It's like taking a walk back in time, through my own family's history. Sometimes I feel almost intrusive trying to imagine what their lives were like back then. Ever since I was a young child, I loved hearing stories about how much my Lolo Pepe adored and loved her. She adored and loved him just as much as he did her. I never tired of hearing stories about their courtship, how they survived being separated by the war, and how we ended up with such a big family!

I conducted an oral history report on my grandmother twice. The first was when she was in her eighties. I remember asking Mama Osang why she never remarried after my Lolo Pepe died. I just remember her pausing and staring down at her ring finger. She started to fidget with her rings. It was as if for a brief moment, she was going back in time, through her memories. Then a smile came to her lips, almost as if my Lolo Pepe had put it there himself. Perhaps she was remembering his kiss. I was embarrassed because I felt like I was intruding on a very intimate moment between her and my grandfather. I felt as if I had no right to know about the memories and emotions that belonged to them, and only them.

After about ten minutes, Mama Osang looked up at me and answered my question. "I never wanted to marry again because your Papa was my one and only true love. No one could ever measure up to him. There was no one else for me but him. My heart belongs to him and only him. That was my promise."

If any of you have ever wondered why I'm such a hopeless romantic, now you know why. I truly am inspired by the love story between my grandparents. It doesn't get any more romantic or real than theirs.

It's Always Sunny in Southern California...

...not always. At least weather wise. I was really looking forward to some warm weather while I was visiting SoCal. Unfortunately, Old Man Winter decided to tag along and bring some rain and cold weather.

Nevertheless, I had a good time hanging out with Paul and his friends. It was great to meet all of them, and I'm looking forward to getting to know all of them better. I hope that they enjoyed eating the food I cooked for them as much as I loved preparing it for them.

I also got to spend some time visiting with Inay Toneng and my family in Long Beach. I swear the kids get bigger every year. I was glad that Paul had an opportunity to meet them, especially my aunties and Inay Toneng.

The kitchen seemed to be a common theme that weekend. Paul had expressed that he didn't want me to cook as much so that I could hang out with all his friends. I had to explain to him, that in my family, the way that we show people we care and appreciate them is through food, by cooking and feeding folks. I think he understood the concept more when he and I were visiting my family in Long Beach. The kitchen is the heart of the home. It was great to see all my aunties and even my uncles helping each other cook and prepare the family meal. They were having such a great time catching up.

Cooking always brings back warm and fuzzy memories from my childhood. I hope to continue that tradition with my own family someday.

Optimus Pinay Loves the Kids and some SoCal Love

It's been a great two weeks at my new job, and I'm looking forward to starting the new semester next week. I often question why I decided to get a second bachelors degree, but when I'm with the kids in my program, I'm reminded of why teaching is so important to me.

I am enjoying my new job as a Program Leader, and more importantly, as a co-advisor to the Student Leadership Committee. I have an unbelievable group of strong and intelligent students that are wise beyond their years. These students inspire me not only with their amazing courage to go against the standard norms and stereotypes of their peers, but their ability to overcome so many obstacles in their personal lives. I am determined to be a good mentor to my students, and aid a new generation of leaders in finding their potential through education, community, struggle, and social activism.

Next week will establish a sense of normalcy in my life, because I will have to balance work and school once again. I hate not being on a consistent schedule, so my fabulous somewhat O.C.D. self will enjoy being on a set schedule starting next week. Ha.

However, before I begin counting the days until summer vacation, I will be spending some quality time with Paul in SoCal. It will be a meet and greet of sorts all weekend long. I am looking forward to meeting all of Paul's friends, and I am looking forward to introducing him to my family in SoCal.

It will be nice to be with my boo. It's only been two weeks since we last saw each other, but it seems a lot longer than that. I do miss him A LOT, and our schedules will be hectic once our semesters start, but I'm no stranger to hard work and dedication, whether it be school or relationships.

2010 has been off to a great start so far. I want to keep the momentum going. Let's do this...

Inay Toneng

I found out yesterday, that my Inay Toneng is back in the hospital. I can't even begin to tell all of you how much this woman means to me. It saddens me to hear that she is not in the best of health. She is my maternal grandmother Mama Osang's sister in-law, but like most Filipino families, I just knew her simply as one of my lolas(grandmothers) growing up.

When I was growing up in the Philippines, my Mama Osang had already immigrated to the U.S., therefore I was only able to see her every few years when she would visit. I would see Inay Toneng often during our visits to Cavite, and when she would stay with us in Makati.

She played a significant role in my childhood like all my grandparents, but even more so, because she used to tell me stories about our family, and give me the perspective of what life was like in Cavite before, during, and after the war. She also never tired of indulging a silly and inquisitive little girl like me, by telling me endless folk stories and superstitious beliefs.

I still remember the first time she taught me how to eat kamyas. We had a kamyas tree, which grew an acidic and grimace-inducing berry-like fruit. She taught me to eat it with salt, to counter act the sourness. She also taught me to ask the tree for permission before picking its fruit, and to say tabi-tabi po so as not to offend any nature spirits living in the tree.

I will be heading to SoCal this upcoming weekend to spend time with Paul and meet his friends. The first thing we'll do upon my arrival is visit my Inay Toneng at the hospital, so that I can introduce Paul to her. It means a lot to me that he gets to meet her.

Hella Fat Kid

I got back together with running this week. It was about time. Unfortunately, the month that I broke up with running due to finals, being sick, and nurturing my inner fat kid, has finally caught up with me.

Everyone close to me knows how competitive I am with myself. I hate that my running pace has slowed down to a friggin' 8'33 pace. WTF? I have no one to blame but myself for the slowness. No one force-fed me all those chocolatey confections and other uber yummy desserts. My Kit-Kat addiction has also jacked up my running. I guess that having a fast metabolism just isn't enough. Haha. For the record, I still weigh a buck o' eight.

My "gun show" is looking better. I eventually want to go back to boxing, when I have enough money after I pay all my bills and school loans. Hehe. My arms were buffer when I was working as a nanny, because I had different weight classes to pick up and cuddle on a consistent basis.

Skype-ing It

Sometimes it's just not enough to talk to Paul on the phone. So we've been using Skype to chat, so I can see his pogi face. Haha. We try to have coffee over Skype when time permits, but it will be difficult to do that once the semester starts for both of us. He always looks good. I always have bedhead...but he loves my bedhead.

High School...It's a Musical

I started my new job as a Program Team Leader for a high school enrichment and after-school program this week.

So far, I've been stopped a total of eight times for roaming the hallways while class was in session. Then I had to tell them I wasn't a student and that I worked for the enrichment program. Haha.

I wasn't really sure what to expect, going from a pre-school and elementary school background, to working with high school kids.

It really is interesting to see the students in their various cliques. Talk about cell phone overload. Where do these kids get the money to pay for all the texting they do? I don't even make that many phone calls in one day! Geez. All I had in high school was a pager. Haha.

And boy is there drama. There's always drama out in the hallways and in the classrooms. Is it really natural for boys to pester girls at that age, just to show them that they are interested? I guess some guys never really out grow that.

Well, the classrooms sure smell like teen spirit. I've also had two girls give me hella attitude already because I called them out for bullying one of the special needs students. I gave them attitude right back and told them that if they can't follow the rules, be respectful towards the staff and their peers, we can always have a conference with the principal and their parents. I told them that I have zero tolerance for their attitude and problematic behavior.

I played indoor soccer with all the guys, mostly my Chicano students. It was interesting because none of them were aware that I can speak Spanish. It took them forever to divide the teams because no one wanted a girl (me) on their team. So I just told them that I have skills, and trust that I can back up what I'm saying. 'Nuff said. Some things never change. I still had to gain their trust and respect by showing them up with my soccer skills. Haha. The funny thing is that they were so shocked when I started talking to all of them in Spanish once the game started, and reminding them to tone down the cursing.

Then there are my students on the leadership team. It's only my first week on the job, but my site coordinator has assigned me the task of creating a student leadership committee due to my background in developing and working with non-profit, as well as community based organizations (CBOs). It will definitely be student-centered, but I will serve as their advisor and mentor.

I have about eight students who have amazing potential and leadership abilities, and I look forward to mentoring these kids and helping them succeed. I hope that their peers will recognize their hard work and be just as inspired by them.

I need to get these kids college bound. I love how everything just happens for a reason. I ran into an alumnus in the hallway today because she saw me struggling with the snack bar items we were unloading from my coordinator's car. She offered to help me carry some of the items to the classroom. She thought I was a student, so I just started to tell her about our program.

Long story short? Networking with alumni means scholarships for our students, internships, as well as mentorships. Thank goodness I'm so talkative and outgoing. Haha.

In any case, I really am enjoying my new job.

I want to start a new social network...

...and I'm going to call it "In Yo' Facebook!" and you must be certified as sucka' free and a smart ass in order to have an account. Ha.

Big Ups to the Fellas!

I just wanted to say hello to all of Paul's friends who have been reading my blog. How's it going fellas? Haha.

He's lucky to have friends who care enough to Google-stalk his new girlfriend. Trust that you won't find anything scandalous about me. I'm not pretentious, so anything you read on this blog is a direct reflection of who I am as a person as well as my experiences.

I'm looking forward to having dialogue with all of you. I understand that it will take time to develop trust between us, so in the meantime, until we meet in person, please feel free to contact me if you have any concerns or questions. The only thing that I ask is that you guys don't make any assumptions about me. I don't have anything to hide, so just ask. Email me tfdeborja@gmail.com or if you would prefer to contact me by phone that's cool with me too. Just shoot me a message or ask Paul for my number.

Take it easy for now. Peace.

Thea

Love Found Me

Every now and then, fate and destiny have a way of surprising me by putting a new spin on things. Just when I least expected it, love came into my life.

Paul and I were introduced by our mutual friend, Kim. I had mentioned that I thought he was cute, and she decided to play match maker by giving Paul my number. It started out with a text, a chat on Facebook, then a phone call that lasted 3 hours. It gradually progressed to 5 hour phone calls every night after that. We had our first date a month after that first phone call, but we never lost the flow.

He and I compliment each other very well. It's difficult to explain to others, and Paul and I both think that it's not supposed to make sense to anyone else but the two of us.

Most people probably think that being in a relationship with someone should complete them as a person. I used to think that too. However, one of the most important things that I learned this year is that when love comes into your life, you shouldn't expect the other person to complete you.

It's a difficult concept to explain. I knew that I wouldn't be ready to fall in love again until I changed or healed everything that was unbalanced or unhealthy in my life. It just wouldn't be fair to my significant other if I came into a relationship and I couldn't give him 100 percent of who I am as a person. You have to be happy with yourself, find peace in your life and with your choices before you can become complete as a person. Falling in love means that you have found a partner who compliments and reflects those good qualities in you.

I appreciate and love the fact that he's not afraid to be honest with me about how he feels. He loves me for everything that I am. This is as real as it gets.

The map of the human heart never ceases to amaze me. It's filled with an intricate and delicate channel of emotions that remind us that we are human. It recognizes when we have found that one person we are meant to be with.

Peace comes from knowing that only love is real. I understand what that means now.

Blessed

I consider myself to be blessed in this life.

I have an awesome, supportive, caring, loving family and real group of friends. I am thankful to have all of them in my life. I take comfort in the fact that they are always there for me through all the good times, and most especially the not so good times.

I am fortunate to have Paul in my life. He has been nothing but wonderful. There are so many things that I love about him. The best part? He loves me for me.

Even the bad experiences or obstacles in my life have been blessings in disguise, because they have allowed me to really challenge myself and display my strength of character.

Seven months ago, I had a life changing experience. It truly was the happiest day of my life because it gave me an opportunity to start over and rediscover the things I love most about myself. More importantly, I told myself that I would never sell myself short (heehee) and that I wouldn't be scared to ask for my blessings. Let me explain why.

It doesn't really matter what faith you believe in, because I think that our faiths have more in common than they have differences. The only thing that makes them different are the people who interpret them.

In any case, don't be afraid to ask for your blessings. I am truly amazed by what has transpired in my life these past seven months. I asked for divine guidance and I received it in so many ways. It was an important turning point in my life because for once, I was faced with a situation that was beyond my control, something that reminded me that I am human after all, and there are higher beings in charge of the situation. At that point, I decided to take a deep breath and just surrender myself to fate and destiny. I also asked for all my blessings in life. I figured it couldn't hurt and that it seemed like an appropriate time to do so. I just didn't understand why it took something as drastic as an un-wedding to make me feel like I deserved to receive any blessings. So I promised myself that I would ask for blessings every day, and that I wouldn't be afraid to take any chances.

I really am in a very peaceful and amazing place in my life. Who knew I would have a debut at 31? Haha.

Cheers to all of you this New Year! Don't forget to ask for your blessings.