I can't find a better way to describe my life right now. It took a lot of hard work and personal reflection for me to get to this point.
Last year was the major turning point for me. The moment I called off my wedding, my life began. I certainly wasn't aware of it at the moment, but I can say it now in hindsight. The illusion that I thought was my life fell apart in a matter of minutes. What I didn't realize at the time was that it was necessary for me to go through that pain, in order to begin my personal journey of getting to know myself. Cliche, but true nonetheless. Nothing like the triad of Fate, Destiny, and Karma to slap me in the face to jump start the process of divine intervention.
I took some time away from a lot of people, places, and routines that were familiar to me. I was in search of true happiness, but had no clue or idea where to even start. I learned to just kinda go with the flow of life, while still being proactive of course. I was okay with uncertainty, and not having my entire life mapped out. I ended up reconnecting with a lot of people who also helped me through the process. I guess that's why running is so therapeutic for me. I always set a certain distance goal, but usually end up just running more than I initially intended.
Don't get me wrong, I made a few more mistakes, but they're all lessons learned. I will continue to make mistakes because I am only human. I discovered that I didn't have to look far for true happiness after all. I was surrounded by it the entire time, embodied by my family, my real friends, and my community. They accepted me for my real self all these years, never trying to conform me to any false or pretentious standards or ideals, and never judging me for my mistakes or shortcomings. I failed to see any of this because my life was focused on someone else for eight years.
When I opened myself up to the love and support they showed me, I re-discovered everything that I loved about myself. That is when I truly became happy. I became comfortable with myself again. I set new goals for myself, and there are endless possibilities out there for me.
Paul is also instrumental in my state of pure bliss. I know that he loves me, and that's enough for me right now. I appreciate the fact that he's candid and a realist. He doesn't make empty promises, and only commits to what he's certain he can follow through with. We still have a lot to learn about each other, and the physical distance is somewhat of a roadblock. One of us will have to move in order to make this relationship work, and in order to take it to the next phase. I surprised even myself when I told him that I am willing to relocate for him. I have never considered or done that for anyone. Yeah, I love him that much.
So, as I approach my 33rd birthday, I'm okay and comfortable with whatever surprises life has for me. I'm confident in myself that I can overcome any challenges or adversities that may come my way. I know that I am strong. But most of all, I know that I am truly happy and loved.
