Purgation of My Closet

So I finally did it. It's been a long time coming, but I've put off doing anything about it for a very long time. It just seemed like such a daunting task. If anything, I should've done it right after my "Debut at 32" last year. I think that because of the fact that Douchebag Howser M.D. left so many of his clothes behind (that I was gracious enough to return to him under the circumstances), I guess I was trying to avoid finding anymore of his crap. So after four loads of laundry, cleaning the bathroom, a trip to Starbucks and Safeway, and taking Notorious D.O.G. for a walk, I finally did it.

I can thank the less than pleasant weather for keeping me at home for most of today and in the mood to do some cleaning. I moved the wardrobe into the office and put another set of drawers in its place. I feel really selfish for always complaining that I never have anything to wear, considering that I have more than enough clothes to last me another decade.

I rediscovered my love for my pretty dresses. Yes, I realize that I dress like a tomboy most of the time in my hoodies and sweatpants, but oh do I love my dresses! I also found out that I have 45 pairs of soccer shorts. The good news is that I didn't find anymore of D-Bag's things, with the exception of some of his mismatched socks. I guess you could say his socks are symbolic of his hot ass mess of a life. That monster and all his crap are finally all out.

I will be getting a new bed this year. Moms got me new pillows. So many more changes to come. The purgation of his memory from any of my possessions is coming to a close. I feel even more liberated. Dont' get me wrong. I've moved on from that phase in my life and I have recovered well.

It has been a long process indeed. I am fortunate to have a REAL and a wonderful man like Paul. You can recover, and possibly even forgive, but I think that the feeling of betrayal will always stay with me. I'm just lucky enough that Paul is patient and understanding enough to help me heal those wounds, by giving me so much love.

I know, not much of an exciting post, really, but I just thought I would share. I will borrow this quote that my friend Silda posted on her Facebook today. I think it's a perfect way to summarize my experience today:

‎"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come." - Joseph Campbell

Lazy Sunday

Congratulations to Patricio and Melanie! May you be blessed with a lifetime of happiness together and lots of little LUMPIA lovers! Your reception was so much fun, especially all the MJ songs and '90s hip hop. Of course, we can't forget John's awesome dance skills. The "Beat It" knife fight scene was my favorite.

Paul and I had a great day just hanging out in the city. We had a rough start with BART because I didn't remember how to use the ticket machine. It's been ten years since I last used BART, so you can't really fault me for that. Haha. It was just as much a learning experience for me as it was for Paul. We'd also like to thank the grumpy lady inside the booth for her condescending customer service.

We didn't really do much. We didn't really have any plans for the day. We were starving by the time we got to the Civic Center Station. The closest thing I could think of to eat was Chico's(my apologies to my homie Glen Andag for eating Chico's without you. We were starving!) We took our slices on over to Yerba Buena Gardens, and kicked it on the benches right above the waterfall.

It was a beautiful day in the city, and we sat for a bit after we ate, just people watching. A little bird even kicked it with us for a little while, and I felt bad that I didn't have any crumbs left to feed it. I felt even worse when I saw that it had a broken leg. It eventually got bored with us, and flew away. We watched an older Chinese woman do her Tai Chi. I hope that I'll be as dedicated to working out when I get to her age. It was nice just to be back in SoMa, not having anything to do, and just spending time with Paul. I feel like we've been rushing everywhere for the past few weeks, so we certainly welcomed the slower and lazier pace we had today. It was nice to enjoy each other's company for a change. No moving, no rushing to get somewhere.

We sat a few benches away from a Filipino family, a mom with her two young kids, a little boy and girl. The kids were cute. They were enjoying the sunshine with us and taking pictures. Hearing the kids speak in Tagalog was like music to my ears, and just reminded me of how much I miss being in SoMa. I saw that they were having a hard time taking a family picture, so I offered to take their picture for them. It made my day when the little girl, who was maybe around three, yelled "Salamat!" and gave me a big smile.

I'm looking forward to spending more lazy Sundays with Paul. It's not about what we do or how much money we spend (because honestly, we're both kinda broke right now). It's just nice to know that we don't have to rely on those kinds of things just to enjoy our time together.

I LOVE YOU PAUL POOMPAN.

Feeling: overwhelmed, busy, and under-appreciated.