Of Love and Other Demons

I don't think that it's any secret that G.G. Marquez is one of my favorite authors.  I borrowed the title of his book to sum up everything that's been going on lately.

The novel, "Of Love and Other Demons," affirms both the necessity and power of love, but also questions our ability to handle this unique human emotion. It can give us strength, transform us in ways that are both good and bad, or destroy us.

Every now and then, disagreements and arguments ensue in a relationship, and feelings get hurt. Every couple has a choice whether or not to let this experience destroy the relationship, or tough it out and learn from the mistakes made.  It all comes down to how much you love the other person, if you're willing to swallow your pride and acknowledge that you've made mistakes.  It's not easy to do any of those things, but it can be the determining factor of your relationship's demise or survival.

The past few days were stressful. When both parties are stubborn and quick-tempered, the communication turns into a heated argument.  A big thanks goes out to Mi Pancita Garcia, who reminded me that forgiveness is an important component of a loving and healthy relationship.  The ability to forgive is something I will never master in this lifetime, but certainly something that I am working on.  I'm not bitter by any means, I've already dealt with that. I am being completely honest with myself and everyone when I say that because of the experiences I had in my previous relationship, forgiveness is not my strongest quality, but one that I am consciously working on.

I'm not looking for perfection. There is no such thing.  I'm glad that Paul is man enough to tell me that he will make an effort to change some things, and I promised to do the same. Our relationship is a work in progress, but for the most part is a beautiful symbiosis of our lives.  I'm thankful that we were able to overcome that rough patch and grow with this experience. 

One Hundred Hours of Solitude

While everyone else is watching the Super Bowl, I find myself a little disconnected and drained. I'm investing in some much needed alone time.  Relationships go through their ups and downs, and rough patches certainly take their toll on both parties.  Sometimes, you just need to step back, and take some time out to re-focus.

I've been napping quite a bit today, mostly because I'm not feeling well.  The American version of the Japanese movie, "Shall We Dance?" was on today.  Susan Sarandon's character said something that stuck with me. It was in essence, a reminder of the importance of communication in a relationship.  It's not just what is communicated, but the manner in which it is communicated.  No matter how angry or upset you are, if you truly love the person you're with, you will always treat them with dignity and respect, regardless of the situation.  It's never acceptable to treat the other person in a way that is demeaning.  This is what Susan Sarandon's character said:

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet...I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the mundane things...all of it, all of the time, everyday.  You're saying, 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.  Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.'"

Do we get into relationships because we need a witness to our lives and dreams?  Do we all look for someone to appreciate those special qualities about us, and celebrate our uniqueness?

Relationships aren't about having power or ownership over someone else. It's about a shared, beneficial commitment between two people who have found each other and want to see how their journey will unfold together.  It's about being equally independent, but with mutual respect, dependence, and reciprocal obligation.

Love, respect, and kindness. 

Time to Re-Focus

I stopped midway through my run to take this pic two years ago.

Every now and then, I need a reminder that my first priority is myself.  Things happen, and it's a good reminder for me to stay on my toes, not be complacent, and that it's necessary for me to have my guard up at all times.  After all, our life lessons are supposed to have a jarring impact on the very core of our being, so that we can remind ourselves not to make the same mistakes as in our past.  When we get too comfortable with people or a relationship, sometimes our soul becomes so at ease that it suffers from temporary amnesia.  All the warm and fuzzies have a tendency to block our emotional connection to our lessons learned, and the rose-colored glasses effect tends to happen.

I need to be careful about spreading myself too thin and giving too much of myself to others. I don't do things for others because I need validation for anything. I have healthy self-esteem, thank you very much! It's just who I am, part of my temperament. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I always have.

I also need to remember that I always have a choice, and that it's never acceptable for anyone to invalidate my feelings, make me feel rejected, or make me feel disempowered.  I am tough as nails and I've overcome a lot of obstacles in my life, but when my feelings are hurt, it certainly shows. To refer to my reaction as overly sensitive, pouty, childish, or dramatic just tells me that you don't care enough to think about what you're going to say, the manner in which you're going to say it, and how it may affect the other person.  You're just approaching the situation from a self-centered perspective.

There is a way to communicate and be honest, without being insensitive, demeaning, insulting, or hurtful.  Those elements are unecessary, and do nothing but hurt or damage a relationship.  To take pride in an attitude that is offensive and doesn't distinguish between the people you love and acquaintances is both selfish and narrow-minded. I wasn't upset because I didn't get my way. I'm not a child. It was the lack of consideration and respect in dealing with the situation.  I don't think taunting and insulting someone who is already upset helps the situation any.  It's just mean and hurtful.

When situations like this occur, I have a tendency to just distance myself. It's how I deal with things. Rather than to have someone misinterpret my feelings, invalidate them, make me feel undignified or disrespected, I just shut-down any emotion. I go into auto-pilot mode and retreat into solitude.  My walls go back up. It's my way of protecting myself.

I am a strong Pinay/Filipina American/Asian American Womyn.  I need to re-focus on that mantra, get my head out of the clouds, and focus on my goals and what I want for myself and my future, before worrying about others.  Running will once again be my salvation and my sanity.  I need to find my balance again.  I need to keep sight of who I am, and the strength of my being.  I am not willing to compromise who I am.  It's just not worth it.

No More Dim Sum for This Dumpling

Paul and I had some dim sum this past Sunday. Let's just say my stomach wasn't as appreciative. Either there was some secret meat ingredient in some of my food, or my stomach can't handle that kind of greasy food anymore, or both (Paul begs to differ since he refers to me as the "French Fry Queen"). In any case, my stomach hasn't been functioning the same since Sunday. Maybe the fact that they had something on the menu called "sparerids" should've been a sign? Hehe.

I've been sidelined from running, it hurts even when I walk. Seriously, even my ovaries hurt. That's about as close to the pain as I can describe. So back to detox for my body. Cleansing it again with healthy food. It's difficult being vegetarian sometimes because my body reacts differently to food I don't eat on a regular basis.
I think I'll just stick to salad and french fries from now on.

Peace.

Random Ramblings and Updates

I've been so busy, I haven't had an opportunity to just sit down and update.

*** Spring semester has started, and I am looking forward to being that much closer to my second degree. Of course, that means less sleep for me.

*** Paul is doing wonderful. He's working hard with two jobs, teaching and coaching wrestling. He's keepin' the pimp hand fresh, and I love him more and more every day. 

*** Surprisingly, Notorious D.O.G. is the STAR student at puppy school.  She's responding well to the outdoor environment and the trainer.  She's getting more comfortable just hanging out inside the house, and learning to mellow out.  The cats still punk her though.

*** My Godson Michael is turning four. I can't believe how quickly time has passed. I love this little man.

*** Running is still my alone time, a way for me to catch up with myself, and keep myself balanced.  Indoor soccer is just as rewarding. It's great to be able to pursue the things I love with newfound passion and enjoyment.

Puppy Training...Again

So Notorious D.O.G. will be attending a new training session at Homeward Bound Golden Retriever Rescue. I'm excited because it looks promising, and at least I will be able to give back to this wonderful rescue I used to volunteer at.  This doggie of mine has waaaaaay too much energy, even for Paul.  Notorious D.O.G. still has a lot to learn, but I'm glad that she's improving every day. She's scared of the cats, which I suppose is good in someways. They have no problems showing her who's boss.  Keeping my fingers crossed...

Turning One

We turned one on December 26th.

It's a great accomplishment in any relationship to survive the honeymoon period, let alone maintain a long distance relationship.  Although there have been a lot of changes for Paul and I in this past year (both as a couple and as individuals), I'm happy to say that we recently celebrated our one-year anniversary.

I've come a long way, and Paul was definitely a significant part of that process.  I love this man. This man is love.

Our trip to SoCal was great! I want to thank his parents for their hospitality, and welcoming Notorious D.O.G. into their home. Thanks to all the homies and ladies for showing us some love. Nothing but good times with all of you when we're down there.

I'll post some more pics from our trip once we get settled. For now, here's another pic of my ridiculously, ridiculously handsome Thai man. Gotta love his swagger!