The Bay is Getting an Extra Serving of Swagger

Hooray and congratulations to Paul for getting an Adaptive P.E. teaching gig in Pacifica! To say that I'm ecstatic is somewhat downplaying how I really feel (I feel like I have a bazillion jumping beans inside my tummy). It will be a busy few weeks helping him move and settled, but so worth it. I'm totally going through a nesting phase for him. Haha.

It is a huge sacrfice on his part, but I am greatly appreciative and humbled by the fact that he loves me so much he's leaving his sunny SoCal for me. He also made my birthday this year the best ever. He brought me back my favorite shortbread cookies from Hawaii, and he gave me a letter. Not just any letter, but probably the most wonderful letter I've ever received from a significant other. Actually, the only personal letter I've ever received from a significant other.

It was a love letter of sorts. What made this letter outstanding was the thought he invested in it. It was sincere and honest. Most importantly, it made me feel so loved. I don't think he knows just how much that letter means to me. I've kept it hidden safely away now, but I think I must've looked at it at least five times a day since he gave it to me.

I am eager to see what's in store for Paul and I. We are entering a new phase in our relationship and lives.

Oh, and congratulations San Francisco. You officially became the coolest place on earth thanks to Paul Poompan.

All Day I Dream About Soccer...

...at least that's what Adidas used to mean to me. I headed out to Davis today to get my number printed on my soccer jersey. Props to the guy at Davis Soccer and Lifestyle for getting the job done in about 15 minutes. Hopefully having the Deuce back on my jersey will bring back my mojo on the field. I'm just superstitious like that. Sorry, but my other jersey number just wasn't working out.

I was also eyeing a new pair of the Copa Mundial, the one and only soccer shoe that I have ever worn. I'm long overdue for a new pair, considering the ones that I'm currently using have been with me since I was 15. Yes, that's right. Adidas used to make extremely durable shoes. Don't trip. They're still comfy and look good, and are far from holey. However, I was informed by the guy at the shop that Adidas will soon be phasing out my beloved Copas, with some butt-ugly hot mess of a shoe. He was trying to sell the newer shoe to me by dissing the Copas, but I told him that the new shoe is really fugly.

The retail gods strike again. WHY??? Why must you mess with something so classic that have been around for 28 years? So much of my identity as a soccer player is tied to the Copa Mundial. I always say that you can tell a lot about a soccer player by the shoes and equipment that they wear. As a soccer player, I can pretty much determine your skill level, based on the boots that you wear on the field. You're pretty much whack if you don't wear Copas. You have to earn your stripes to wear this shoe. As much as I love Nike, I do blame them for introducing some loud and ugly soccer shoes, and forever changing the soccer shoe market. Geez Nike. Way to set the standard for ugly shoes. I'm still mad at you for discontinuing my favorite running shoes.

There's a certain comraderie between those of us who wear the Copas. It used to be that only the soccer players that have played or trained at a higher competitive level wore these shoes. Copas give us distinction. It embodies the concept of "game recognize game" when you see someone else wearing the Copas out on the field. You must have skill and swagger to wear the Copas.

Copas are timeless and classic, unique in that sense. Copas represent my love for the game. I think by now it's apparent and obvious that I am very particular about the equipment that I use. My next purchase will be a new pair of the Copa Mundial. I need to stock up before other people my size catch wind of the armageddon of soccer fails.

The Heart of the Matter

I suppose that when one is in love, we develop our own concept of time. It has been about two and a half weeks since I've last seen Paul, but it seems like it's been twice as long. What can I say? I miss him. I miss him A LOT.

We both agreed that we would only do the long distance aspect of our relationship for about a year, because we want our relationship to progress. The only way to do that is if one of us moves to be closer to the other.

It's exciting to think of the prospect of moving to a different place, but I also feel torn about it because of everyone and everything that I'll be leaving behind. I am, no doubt, willing to move for Paul because I love him. It's one of the risks I'm willing to take. Change is good, but it's scary at the same time.

I'm not going to lie, I was traumatized by what Voltaire did to me. I recovered from it, and I certainly got over him and what he did. What stemmed from that experience is that I was able to find myself again, with the love and support of so many people and positive experiences. For example, my community in SoMa welcomed me back with so much love and respect. There was no tsismis about me or what happened, just a lot of love. Another example, I don't think that my soccer team knows just how important they were in my recovery process. I made new friends, and I rediscovered just how much I loved playing soccer. It got me out of my funk. Ya dig?

I guess you can say that I'm scared to move, because I don't want to lose my support system, more importantly, lose myself. But when I think of my life without Paul, my heart breaks a little, and I get this gut wrenching feeling. Life is so much better with Paul Poompan in it. Heehee.

I'm anxiously awaiting where Paul will get a job. That will determine the next step in our relationship. I'm still trying to get up the nerve to move, but I'm sure I won't even think twice about it, when the time comes.

I LOVE YOU PAUL POOMPAN.

Pure Bliss

I can't find a better way to describe my life right now. It took a lot of hard work and personal reflection for me to get to this point.

Last year was the major turning point for me. The moment I called off my wedding, my life began. I certainly wasn't aware of it at the moment, but I can say it now in hindsight. The illusion that I thought was my life fell apart in a matter of minutes. What I didn't realize at the time was that it was necessary for me to go through that pain, in order to begin my personal journey of getting to know myself. Cliche, but true nonetheless. Nothing like the triad of Fate, Destiny, and Karma to slap me in the face to jump start the process of divine intervention.

I took some time away from a lot of people, places, and routines that were familiar to me. I was in search of true happiness, but had no clue or idea where to even start. I learned to just kinda go with the flow of life, while still being proactive of course. I was okay with uncertainty, and not having my entire life mapped out. I ended up reconnecting with a lot of people who also helped me through the process. I guess that's why running is so therapeutic for me. I always set a certain distance goal, but usually end up just running more than I initially intended.

Don't get me wrong, I made a few more mistakes, but they're all lessons learned. I will continue to make mistakes because I am only human. I discovered that I didn't have to look far for true happiness after all. I was surrounded by it the entire time, embodied by my family, my real friends, and my community. They accepted me for my real self all these years, never trying to conform me to any false or pretentious standards or ideals, and never judging me for my mistakes or shortcomings. I failed to see any of this because my life was focused on someone else for eight years.

When I opened myself up to the love and support they showed me, I re-discovered everything that I loved about myself. That is when I truly became happy. I became comfortable with myself again. I set new goals for myself, and there are endless possibilities out there for me.

Paul is also instrumental in my state of pure bliss. I know that he loves me, and that's enough for me right now. I appreciate the fact that he's candid and a realist. He doesn't make empty promises, and only commits to what he's certain he can follow through with. We still have a lot to learn about each other, and the physical distance is somewhat of a roadblock. One of us will have to move in order to make this relationship work, and in order to take it to the next phase. I surprised even myself when I told him that I am willing to relocate for him. I have never considered or done that for anyone. Yeah, I love him that much.

So, as I approach my 33rd birthday, I'm okay and comfortable with whatever surprises life has for me. I'm confident in myself that I can overcome any challenges or adversities that may come my way. I know that I am strong. But most of all, I know that I am truly happy and loved.

Fat Kid Fridays No More

Holy shizznot! How many friggin' kids birthdays are we having at work this summer?? Damn. Love the kids, hate the crap that the parents bring in. I really don't have will power when it comes to cake. There's at least three birthdays every week. Next time you see me reach for that cupcake, pimp slap it out of my hand and tell me to go run six miles!

Happy Almost One Year Anniversary to Me!

Hello, my name is Thea and I'm a recovering douchebagaholic. I've been douchebag free for a year now, and I can honestly say that I am the happiest I've ever been. I was a douchebagaholic for eight years, and almost made the biggest mistake of my life last year when I almost married Dr. Douchebag Howser, M.D. (M.D. for Moronic Dipshit).

I would like to commemorate my "Debut at 32" or how some of my friends like to call it, my "Un-Wedding" by celebrating everything that I've accomplished during this past year.

I am thankful for all the unconditional love and support from my wonderful family and great friends. I couldn't have made it this far without all of you giving me a kick swift in the ars when I needed it the most. Thank you for feeding my healthy dependency on Starbucks and cake. I'm not going to name folks (thanks Lars and Ambo), but you know who you are. I am also extremely grateful for Paul, who has taught me so much about real love and what it's like to be loved by a real man. I appreciate Paul's candidness and his ability to keep it real with me. I love the fact that he doesn't sugar coat anything for me.

I am thankful to all my professors for their sense of humor and for guiding me through the process of completing my second bachelors degree. You all know me so well and I'm glad that you can all appreciate my exceptional work ethic, sarcasm, and wit. At least, that's what you all told me. I'm almost done.

I am most thankful to myself, for being able to overcome such a difficult situation, and use it to bring the best out of me. I want to thank myself for having the courage to move on, and be able to channel all my energy into positive outcomes. I've had such a wonderful time getting to know myself again.

As I celebrate my one year of sobriety from douchebagolism, I hope that folks out there continue to join me on my journey. It can only get better from here.

Maraming salamat sa inyong lahat. Peace. Love. Blessings.

--Thea

The Sweetest Love

The Sweetest Love --Robin Thicke

Why do people smile when no one’s smiling?
It's cuz their thinking of someone they’re loving
Keep on believing we are meant to be and
Nothing’s stopping you and me from going to heaven
Sweetest love

I got the sweetest love there ain’t nothing sweeter
I got the sweetest love ain’t nothing beat it
There ain’t nothing sweeter

Now I'm a climber, this mountains just my ladder
It gets better every second we’re together
Oooh baby it feels so right
A new beginning starts tonight
The reason for wedding songs
Is because of you and me and
Sweetest love

Finally I can’t believe
Coz you and me, you’re my sweetest love

I got the sweetest love there ain’t nothing sweeter
I got the sweetest love ain’t nothing beat it
There ain’t nothing sweeter

Come on now, I got the sweetest love there ain’t nothing sweeter
I got the sweetest love can’t nothing beat it
There ain’t nothing sweeter oh yeah

Now I got that feeling in my gut
Now I need your fire in my life
Now I wanna give you love so much
And I keep on feeling my sweet, my sweet
Sweetest love

I can’t believe that you and me, we gotta be
You’re my sweetest love

I got the sweetest love there ain’t nothing sweeter
I got the sweetest love can’t nothing beat it
There ain’t nothing sweeter

Come on now, I got the sweeter love there ain’t nothing sweeter
I got the sweetest love can’t nothing beat it
There ain’t nothing sweeter ooohh

I got the sweetest love there ain’t nothing sweeter
I got the sweetest love can’t nothing beat it
There ain’t nothing sweeter ooohh

I got the sweetest love ain’t nothing be sweeter
I got the sweetest love can’t nothing beat it
There ain’t nothing sweeter

Sweetest love
I can’t believe, you and me, we gotta be
Oh my sweetest love