I think Facebook gives people the ability to be completely passive aggressive. You can simply disassociate yourself from people by clicking the "unfriend" button or hide them from your news feed. To be honest, there are at least a handful of folks on Facebook that I wish I had never met or made acquaintances with. I would say that I have more acquaintances on Facebook than I do real friends. I'm very selective and careful who I truly consider a close friend. I can be open and honest with you, but that doesn't mean that I'm your homie. My real friends will tell you, however, that I am loyal to a fault. We may have our differences and disagreements, here and there, but when it comes down to it, I'm there when they need me. No questions asked.
Lately, I feel that my friendships have been changing with some folks, particularly someone I've considered a close and great friend through the years. Sometimes we go through life changes that cause us not to vibe with people we love and care about, no matter how much we want to be there to support them and be there for them. I find myself in that particular situation. Although I want to be there to support her, I just don't feel that my presence and involvement is what she wants right now. She has enough people around her to give her whatever validation she needs. I just can't fake the funk.
I believe that people need to find their own path in life and part of that process is going at it alone for a little bit. I know this from personal experience. I'm grateful for the love and support that I received from my friends after my break-up with Voltaire, but I didn't truly didn't come to terms with what happened until I spent time to be by myself. I had to learn to be on my own again.
After being in a relationship for eight years, I had lost a lot of my identity and individuality, and I became co-dependent. I'm not going to lie. Post break-up, I always tried to make sure I was around people because I didn't want to think about what happened and deal with the impending possibility of being by myself. Eventually my friends had to get back to their real lives. Let's be real. Dealing with me post-break up was ugly. I was dealing with some major insecurity issues (you would be baffled too if your ex cheated on you with someone who is aesthetically challenged and breastfed on a lispy helium balloon) and I was co-dependent on my friends because I didn't know how to be by myself. I was scared to be by myself.
There's a difference between being alone and being by yourself. Being alone means that you cut yourself off any and every kind of relationship, more the destitute and desolate path. Being by yourself means that you've learned to be confident and secure with yourself. You're happy being independent and just being you. It means that your self-confidence and self-worth isn't based on what other people think of you. It also means coming to terms and being comfortable with the idea that you may possibly be by yourself for the rest of your life. I think that then, and only then, can a person be really open to love, because you have nothing to lose at that point. You have to allow yourself to grieve then pick yourself back up and start to move on.
Like everything else in life, friendships also undergo changes. For most of us it's about maturity and dealing with changing priorities. Whether or not friendships can endure those changes, that's entirely up to the people in the relationships.
Bottom line, this is what my real friends and Paul can expect from me. I will always tell you the truth. You can always count on me to tell you what you need to hear, and not what you want to hear. If you're looking for people to feed your insecurities and give you constant validation, I'm not one of those people. I'm not pretentious and I'm just incapable of being superficial. I will try to understand where you're coming from, and although I may have a different perspective, I won't be mad. Know that I'm being honest and keeping it real because I value my friendships and relationships, and only have my friends' best interests at heart. Through the good times and bad, my real friends know that I have their back.
Sometimes the best way to be there for someone is to take a step back and leave them be. Give them the space to grow or not grow on their own. I believe that sometimes we aren't what our friends want, even if it's truth and honesty that they need the most.
