This coming Saturday marks the two weeks since my eight year relationship ended. The events that led to our break-up is still so blurry, because it happened so fast. The feelings, however, are permanent. My entire life was turned upside down. The life I had built, was pulled out from under me. No warning, no choice.
Our life together started out with such beautiful stories, almost as if it was written by Fate herself. I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. I was crazy, madly, and head over heels in love with him from the very start. He said meeting me and being with me was like an epiphany.
We had our share of ups and downs in our relationship. We overcame so many obstacles. We made promises to each other, and planned our life together. He went to L.A. for medical school, and I stayed in Sacramento. We said, "four years apart won't be so bad" and committed ourselves to a long distance relationship and thousands of phone calls. The first year was the most difficult because of the adjustment to no longer seeing each other everyday, and being apart. He was going to become a doctor, and he asked me to wait for him. He told me that we would get married after medical school, and that we would start our family.
He proposed to me in the Fall of 2007. Even our proposal story is uniquely funny. He had asked my grandmother for her ring, just as I had hoped. He was sick when he proposed to me, so the proposal was said in between coughing. We planned to get married on our eight year anniversary. We found the perfect church and the perfect people to help us make our special day more memorable. I was impressed that he was so hands on with the wedding. He did most of the planning and was involved in every single process. Everything fell into place.
His graduation from medical school was a week before our wedding. We were prepared to deal with the hectic schedule of events. The moment I arrived in L.A., however, there was already an uneasy feeling in the air.
I understood that he would be extremely busy being president of the student body, but I really wasn't prepared for what was about to happen. I was by myself most of the time, but I was also fortunate to hang out with some of the student affairs staff, who were hospitable and kind.
At his graduation, I sat with his friends, including this chic I never heard about or met. When I met her, I felt uneasy and could sense that something wasn't right about her. She liked my man. I shrugged it off, but was immediately taken aback when she was acting more like she was the girlfriend than I was. She had a lei all prepared and was worried that she didn't buy batteries for her camera.
Later that evening, I confronted him about her, but he got defensive and said she was just a good friend. He also said that it was all in my head and I was making a big deal out of nothing. He completely invalidated my feelings. I also noticed that he had locked his phone, which he never did before. We got in a huge fight, and slept separately. The next morning, he still refused to acknowledge how upset I was. He left me in the hotel room by myself. My best friend came to pick me up, and instead of going to his graduation, I went shopping with her and got on a flight to Sacramento in the afternoon. I called him later that evening to inform him that I had called off the wedding.
He called me back a few days later to tell me that he was upset with me and that the wedding was indeed off. He came back to Sacramento later on that week so that we could work things out. We decided that we were still going to go forth with the wedding, and all seemed well. So I thought.
The day before the wedding was somewhat hectic. We still had a lot to do, but I also knew that the guys had plans for him. I decided that I would just stay at the hotel and finish up some of the last minute details.
He called me at the hotel a few hours after he left to go hang out with the guys. He told me that he needed to talk to me about something, and that he was coming back to the hotel to talk to me. I don't know why, but my heart started racing.
He came back to the hotel and was telling me that the guys were saying that maybe we weren't ready to get married. I was a little upset and went to the other room to catch my breath. Then I asked him, "Did you cheat on me?" He said, "Yes." I asked him if he cheated on me with that chic I met at his graduation, and he confirmed what I thought.
Everything that happened after that is a blur. I remember kicking and punching him. I remember saying how much I hated him. There were so many people involved, and so many people hurt. At first, he said it only happened twice. Then I asked him how long the affair lasted. Then he said it lasted for a year. But if he was already sleeping with her before he proposed to me, and it lasted until a month before the wedding, then it was more like a year and a half.
What makes a man do this? I wanted to know details of their relationship because I wanted to prove to myself that he loved me more. Knowing the details didn't help me any. In fact, it just ended up hurting me even more.
I have seen him and spoken to him since everything happened. I told him that I don't want to be angry with him because I don't want to turn into a bitter person. I told him that I forgave him, even if he hasn't asked me to. This is the only way for me to really start moving on and taking care of myself.
I'm not sitting around waiting for him, hoping that we'll be able to work things out. I'm not moping or feeling sorry for myself. I'm just not that kind of person.
So I'm keeping myself busy, investing my time in the community instead. I've also done quite a bit of retail therapy. I'm investing in me.
